Interracial Marriages and Blending The Two Cultures

By Jane Le Skaife for Nguoi-Viet Online

Michelle Nguyễn and Rachel Nguyễn are sisters-in-law, brought together by the love for their husbands, who are brothers. But what also united them is a common bond: white women married to Vietnamese American men who have learned to adopt their husbands’ traditions as their own and pass them on to their children.

“Most of my cultural experiences occur with Vũ’s extended family,” said Rachel, 38, of her husband Vũ and his family. “The best part of these encounters is being able to be a part of a very different culture in a very intimate way.”

Although mixed unions like those of the Nguyễn account for only eight percent of all marriages according to the 2010 U.S. Census, that eight percent comes out to about 4.5 million couples in the United States. That is 4.5 million opportunities to blend and appreciate cultural differences through matrimony.

MULTICULTURAL MATRIMONY: Michelle Nguyễn, 37, and Tuấn Nguyễn, 36, got married in 2002 wearing traditional Vietnamese aó dàis. Michelle and Tuấn embraced both cultures during their wedding ceremony nearly a decade ago. They paid their respects to Tuấn’s ancestors during their nuptial. The couple currently reside in Austin, Texas with their three boys. Photo courtesy of Michelle Nguyễn.

Even though Michelle and Rachel are not Vietnamese Americans, the two Austin, Texas, women both have taken strides toward respecting and practicing the cultural traditions of their husbands’ Vietnamese family. Tết is merely one of the many ways of doing so.

Michelle, 37, and her husband Tuấn met during their college years at Michigan State University. It was the first time she had ever dated a non-white person. When Tuấn left for medical school, the couple continued a partly long-distance relationship for seven years before marrying in 2002.

Together now for almost 16 years, Michelle still remembers the difficulty of meeting her husband’s family for the first time.

• “They didn’t really accept that he was dating me,” she said. “They continued to try to fix him up with Vietnamese women. It was a little bit rough for a while there. I didn’t go to his graduation because his parents were there.”

Fortunately over time, Michelle’s in-laws grew to love her as the mother of three of their grandchildren: Maxwell Tiến, 7, Miles Tuấn, 3, and Mason Tài, 5.

• “Once you have grandkids, everything goes away, and it’s great,” Michelle said. “Before we were married, it was a little rough. Now, I’m like ‘Miss Perfect.’ They love me.”

It also helps that Michelle has put forth a lot of effort into preserving the Vietnamese culture in her intercultural family. Whether it’s cooking Bún Bò Huế for the family, honoring the passing of her father-in-law, or celebrating Tết, there are definite signs of the Vietnamese culture in their lives even though the children may still be too young to recognize their mixed backgrounds.

ALL IN THE FAMILY: The Nguyễn brothers have committed relationships with Caucasian American women. From left: Vinh Nguyễn with his long-time girlfriend Claire, Vũ and his wife Rachel, and Michelle. Tuấn, Michelle's husband, took this picture during a nice meal of Bún Bò Huế Photo courtesy of Michelle Nguyễn.

Michelle, who learned many of the traditions about Tết from her in-laws as well as through her own research, said, “I celebrate Tết with the kids. …We get our ancestor pictures out.”

She added, “I found a craft this year where they can make little red banners with their wishes on it. That was kind of neat. We also make sure that the first person walking in the door is someone who is going to bring you good luck.”

This year, like every other year, Michelle and her family will head to her mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law’s place for a special Tết dinner prepared by the matriarchs of the family.

THE OLDER GENERATION: From left to right areTuấnNguyễn, 36, Michelle Nguyễn, 37, Lan Thị PhạmNguyễn, 62, and Mùi ThịNguyễn, 84. Lan and Mùi are Michelle's Vietnamese American mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law. Photo courtesy of Michelle Nguyễn.

Her sister-in-law, Rachel, has a similar story. Vũ Nguyễn, 38, also is a doctor like his brother. They, too, met at Michigan State and have two daughters: Eve Jean, 7, and Miranda Minh, 5.

Although Rachel had also sensed a preference for Vietnamese daughters-in-law when she met her husband’s family after two years of dating, she was more concerned with the initial lack of conversation. She said, “I felt that language was a bit of a barrier. I come from a culture where everyone talks — a lot — and I expected more conversation.” But she has blended in and has embraced the cultural traditions.

• “My mother-in-law cooks for Tết and gives the kids red envelopes with money,” she said. “We’ve been to a few celebrations at local Vietnamese churches, but mostly we just celebrate with the family. We do have red envelopes and sticky rice!”

THE YOUNGER GENERATION: From left to right are Michelle and Tuấn's three boys, Maxwell Tiến, 7, Miles Tuấn, 3, and Mason Tài, 5. Their names exemplify the successful blending of both Vietnamese and American cultures.